“Save the Boys” serial 17: from boy to man, the father is the pathfinder
Posted by admin | Posted in My articles | Posted on 24-04-2007
Tags: education, Save the boys
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American Psychologist Dobson said: “Let a boy and a man with the right, the boy never took the wrong road.”
(a) of the fatherly and motherly love in different
As a presidential candidate, Barack Obama recognized the unique value of fathers on the children, but also recognize that lack of parent education on a country and a society. As a father, I (Sun Yunxiao wrote) deeply understands the unique value of his father, as a loving father and mother love are different, even the best mothers are not a substitute for the role of the father, as even the best role of his father as the mother can not be replaced.
American “Parents” magazine summed up his father’s unique:
1. Father and mother is different;
2. Father love their children more slapstick;
3. The father of the child’s role in promoting greater;
4. Father, language is more complex;
5. The father of the child restraint for more;
6. Father of my child become more social, as he entered the real world to prepare;
7. Describes man’s role in real life and behavior;
8. Father to support his wife;
9. Father will help children develop their potential.
Jian Zhou Metersbonwe boss said: “My father is a very strong willpower, while the mother is very keen sense of changing things, Smith Barney (Metersbonwe, a clothing brand) to go today This persistent, given that his father insisted that, while fashion, the sensitivity of the market given the mother. “
Over the years, we always used to emphasize the power of maternal love, maternal stress the most noble, but in fact, as the great power of fatherly love. Like a bird two wings, two legs, like a person, maternal love and fatherly love is indispensable, irreplaceable.
(b) the unique value of fatherly love
Many studies show that many of the father in child development, play a huge role and father of the boy’s development of unique value.
Intellectual development of children a special catalyst
Research confirmed: father more involved in the baby’s exchanges, will help increase the baby’s cognitive skills, achievement motivation and confidence. There are studies that children with fathers in the home and more chances, the longer the more developed intelligence. Yale University, a consecutive 12 years of research shows that childhood brought up by the father of high IQ children, energetic, good communication, good academic performance.
Help children form positive personality traits
Mothers interact with their children, tend to be gentle, low intensity activity, there is a tendency to over-protection, while the father is often large number of activities to do with children’s activities such as swimming, climbing climbing and other activities, frequently change the content and manner of activities . The experts found that: the parents share the responsibility of child rearing, in the face of the new environment (such as the first to nursery), the less anxiety.
Improve children’s communication ability
Psychologists have found that five-month-old baby, if there is more contact with his father, when he was around strangers, there will be a better adaptability. Little contact with his father than those babies, they are not afraid of students, there will be more words on the response to strangers, but also more willing to let strangers hold. A follow-up study that the age of five who had accompanied his father, and child care by fathers, the lack of fatherly love than five years old when the child grow up more compassion, better social relationships. The more contact with fathers and children, the stronger the child’s communication ability.
Because of the unique value of fathers education, teaching children and not just the mother’s things, his father also bear a huge responsibility. Yang does not teach, the father had, the issue of children in education, the father should never be absent.
(c) the father of the boys “more important”
Father was the son of the most important man in life, to some extent can be said that the father shaped the image of a man is the most important example of the image.
father was the son of the first example of a man
Father is the source of the boy temperament man, man boy imitating his father’s temperament is mainly obtained through. Father of the boy the formation of gender roles, gender behavior and gender socialization shape the play is critical to the completion of the impact.
Understanding of boys to men, started from his father. Him from his father, the boy learn how to bodies, how to treat people, how to care for women. Each father, easily found from the boys their own shadow, each son will grow up to find themselves more and more like his father. In psychology, whether psychoanalytic theory, social learning theory, or cognitive development theory, have unanimously stressed the father of gender socialization in boys played a key role.
Study found, full of manly mettle of the boy, his father’s parenting behavior is often decisive, authoritative. On the contrary, if the father is weak at home, the mother is dominant, then, the boy on the men’s gender identity will be seriously hurt, the boy would show too much femininity. Aggressive behavior of boys who very often have a weak, ineffective father, and those who shy, low self-esteem of boys, most acts of his father, rude, indifferent to the boy.
Imitation is the formation of gender roles in the boy’s basic approach. Father to provide a basic model for men, boys learn by observing and imitating a man how to treat people, how to deal with the problem. Psychologist Mike Min Nepal study concluded that: the father with those contacted during the week than boys less than 6 hours a day, and his father contacted the boy at least 2 hours, more manly temperament, they are engaged activities more open, they are more entrepreneurial, more willing to take risks. Research also confirmed that the boy lost his father at age 4, will make them lose their ambition and aggression, tended to in the feminine gender role, often the body like those of non-confrontational, non-competitive nature of the feminine activities.
father’s rearing behavior more in line with development needs of boys
Father’s parenting approach often is not the same with my mother, in most cultures and social classes, the father often used in different ways to hold the baby and the mother is usually with the same position each time. Parents hold the child’s motivation, the mother hold the child in order to take care of him, while his father holds the child is playing games with children, to let children explore more. Mother to give them more of a stability and security, the father to give them more variability and diversity. Father education children, often giving them a big framework plan for the child to leave the larger autonomy.
In the parent-child interaction, the mother is more physical contact with the kids and verbal communication, and father more children through physical movement and the game communication. Psychologists Ram’s study found that children often play his mother used to play the game, while fathers who have the power to attract the child a sense of play, and stimulate the body, and can not predict the outcome of the game, or kids not used to feel strange, and fun game. In the parent-child game, the mother often the child in his arms and warm on the child as her father often let children ride in the shoulder, or thrown on the child throwing.
When faced with conflict, mothers tend to yield to the child and his father more stress on “Legislative rules.” Difficulties in children, the mothers tend to immediately help the child and his father, often forcing children to play to their wisdom, ability, and thus the quality of the will and the ability to solve problems fully exercise.
In short, the father in cultivating the boy’s manhood, the boy in the culture of independent, responsible, adventurous and enterprising spirit, physical fitness, the training of boys to play a bigger role.
father and son, they are all men
Men and women may come from different planets, only men can go from the fundamental understanding of another male.
Significant gender differences between men and women, this difference is the product of millions of years of evolution, just as difficult to understand men and women with low psychological period, the same can not experience the pain of childbirth, women are equally difficult to understand men, men they hard to understand why the do not want to sit quietly, why then are willing to fight, rebellious, restless.
Son growing problem faced by most likely the father had a child confusion. Father’s experience growing experience, more likely to be the key to solve the problem son. Father and son are almost the same brain structure, their bodies surging with the same male hormones. View more close to the son of his father’s perspective, only the father can understand the emotion in the sons of male hormones in the blood what it means to him, understanding what is sex, what is love. If you recognize the men and women a significant difference, then you’ll recognize his father in his son’s growth plays an important role.
Of course, the father of the boys “more important” this view is not to deny the mother the importance of the process of raising the boy, we just want to emphasize the boy’s father, nurturing manhood in the play the role of the mother can not match, the father is a boy growth of a guide for the man.
(d) how to be a good father, son
attitude is everything
Dobson: No man squatted to help children when compared with stand higher.
Xiao De President Roosevelt: “In the face of his son, I am not president, but his father.”
Lu said: “pity for the child of how not to her husband!”
Dobson: No man squatted to help children when compared with stand higher.
Xiao De President Roosevelt: “In the face of his son, I am not president, but his father.”
Lu said: “pity for the child of how not to her husband!”
Fathers must first correct its attitude, to recognize that when a father is a supreme honor to have the courage to break the traditional gender stereotypes, to change the attitude of the traditional upbringing, the child rearing as a bounden duty and responsibility of the father.
a good example for his son
A father of alcohol addiction, to the pubs in the snow day, occasionally a back and found 10-year old son is at your back.
Son said: “Dad, I’m stepping on your footprints fun?”
Father scared into a cold sweat, from drinking any alcohol.
Children are learning by observing examples of. Father’s words and deeds, gestures, the child will automatically become the object of imitation. Father was a boy the first emerged in life man, the father’s temperament, a man whose masculinity is the original understanding of boys to men. Role of the father in the male contains unique temperament, such as fortitude, determination, courage, restraint and responsibility, etc., have all been boys look in the eyes, in mind, and gradually internalized as part of their masculinity.
A competent father around, the boy’s healthy growth in a safe place. If you have been accompanied in the side, then the father will become a boy hero, giving him power, gave him the confidence to give him guidance. If the hero does not exist, it is easy to form a character in the boy left the crucial period of psychological gap, and this will leave a shadow on the development of manhood.
Every father, please remember this sentence: “No man squatted to help children when compared to stand higher.”
good “dad” needs a lot of time
Father a child given the title, “father” of this title is the same age with the child. Good starting point is the father of the first day of birth.
The psychology of child development research shows that children born from, the relationship between father and child began to set up. At 6 weeks of birth, babies can tell the difference between the father and mother voice, 8 weeks, babies can distinguish between the mother and father take care of different methods, and so many mothers who are puzzled researchers and is Most babies will be called the first “Daddy” instead of her mother, which makes many hard bringing up children’s mother unhappy.
To be a good father, son, born from the first day would be willing to invest the time to raise him, educate him. To his son’s growth, the father should be willing to make some sacrifices, and even more enormous sacrifice because of his son’s growing the most important thing in life.
Childhood, is one the strongest period of plasticity is the critical period of psychological development is also key to the formation of parent-child relationship. Can make such a comparison: in childhood, his father every 1 unit of input, he can have 10 times in the future return; If you miss this period, when children grow up, his father more input, it may gain little or no harvest.
(“Save the Boys,” published by the author
On the Sun Yunxiao wrote, Lee Road, Xia Zhao)
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