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American Psychologist Dobson said: “Let a boy and a man with the right, the boy never took the wrong road.”

(a) of the fatherly and motherly love in different

As a presidential candidate, Barack Obama recognized the unique value of fathers on the children, but also recognize that lack of parent education on a country and a society. As a father, I (Sun Yunxiao wrote) deeply understands the unique value of his father, as a loving father and mother love are different, even the best mothers are not a substitute for the role of the father, as even the best role of his father as the mother can not be replaced.
American “Parents” magazine summed up his father’s unique:
1. Father and mother is different;
2. Father love their children more slapstick;
3. The father of the child’s role in promoting greater;
4. Father, language is more complex;
5. The father of the child restraint for more;
6. Father of my child become more social, as he entered the real world to prepare;
7. Describes man’s role in real life and behavior;
8. Father to support his wife;
9. Father will help children develop their potential.

Jian Zhou Metersbonwe boss said: “My father is a very strong willpower, while the mother is very keen sense of changing things, Smith Barney (Metersbonwe, a clothing brand) to go today This persistent, given that his father insisted that, while fashion, the sensitivity of the market given the mother. “

Over the years, we always used to emphasize the power of maternal love, maternal stress the most noble, but in fact, as the great power of fatherly love. Like a bird two wings, two legs, like a person, maternal love and fatherly love is indispensable, irreplaceable.

(b) the unique value of fatherly love

Many studies show that many of the father in child development, play a huge role and father of the boy’s development of unique value.
Intellectual development of children a special catalyst

Research confirmed: father more involved in the baby’s exchanges, will help increase the baby’s cognitive skills, achievement motivation and confidence. There are studies that children with fathers in the home and more chances, the longer the more developed intelligence. Yale University, a consecutive 12 years of research shows that childhood brought up by the father of high IQ children, energetic, good communication, good academic performance.
Help children form positive personality traits

Mothers interact with their children, tend to be gentle, low intensity activity, there is a tendency to over-protection, while the father is often large number of activities to do with children’s activities such as swimming, climbing climbing and other activities, frequently change the content and manner of activities . The experts found that: the parents share the responsibility of child rearing, in the face of the new environment (such as the first to nursery), the less anxiety.
Improve children’s communication ability

Psychologists have found that five-month-old baby, if there is more contact with his father, when he was around strangers, there will be a better adaptability. Little contact with his father than those babies, they are not afraid of students, there will be more words on the response to strangers, but also more willing to let strangers hold. A follow-up study that the age of five who had accompanied his father, and child care by fathers, the lack of fatherly love than five years old when the child grow up more compassion, better social relationships. The more contact with fathers and children, the stronger the child’s communication ability.

Because of the unique value of fathers education, teaching children and not just the mother’s things, his father also bear a huge responsibility. Yang does not teach, the father had, the issue of children in education, the father should never be absent.

(c) the father of the boys “more important”

Father was the son of the most important man in life, to some extent can be said that the father shaped the image of a man is the most important example of the image.

father was the son of the first example of a man

Father is the source of the boy temperament man, man boy imitating his father’s temperament is mainly obtained through. Father of the boy the formation of gender roles, gender behavior and gender socialization shape the play is critical to the completion of the impact.

Understanding of boys to men, started from his father. Him from his father, the boy learn how to bodies, how to treat people, how to care for women. Each father, easily found from the boys their own shadow, each son will grow up to find themselves more and more like his father. In psychology, whether psychoanalytic theory, social learning theory, or cognitive development theory, have unanimously stressed the father of gender socialization in boys played a key role.

Study found, full of manly mettle of the boy, his father’s parenting behavior is often decisive, authoritative. On the contrary, if the father is weak at home, the mother is dominant, then, the boy on the men’s gender identity will be seriously hurt, the boy would show too much femininity. Aggressive behavior of boys who very often have a weak, ineffective father, and those who shy, low self-esteem of boys, most acts of his father, rude, indifferent to the boy.

Imitation is the formation of gender roles in the boy’s basic approach. Father to provide a basic model for men, boys learn by observing and imitating a man how to treat people, how to deal with the problem. Psychologist Mike Min Nepal study concluded that: the father with those contacted during the week than boys less than 6 hours a day, and his father contacted the boy at least 2 hours, more manly temperament, they are engaged activities more open, they are more entrepreneurial, more willing to take risks. Research also confirmed that the boy lost his father at age 4, will make them lose their ambition and aggression, tended to in the feminine gender role, often the body like those of non-confrontational, non-competitive nature of the feminine activities.

father’s rearing behavior more in line with development needs of boys

Father’s parenting approach often is not the same with my mother, in most cultures and social classes, the father often used in different ways to hold the baby and the mother is usually with the same position each time. Parents hold the child’s motivation, the mother hold the child in order to take care of him, while his father holds the child is playing games with children, to let children explore more. Mother to give them more of a stability and security, the father to give them more variability and diversity. Father education children, often giving them a big framework plan for the child to leave the larger autonomy.

In the parent-child interaction, the mother is more physical contact with the kids and verbal communication, and father more children through physical movement and the game communication. Psychologists Ram’s study found that children often play his mother used to play the game, while fathers who have the power to attract the child a sense of play, and stimulate the body, and can not predict the outcome of the game, or kids not used to feel strange, and fun game. In the parent-child game, the mother often the child in his arms and warm on the child as her father often let children ride in the shoulder, or thrown on the child throwing.

When faced with conflict, mothers tend to yield to the child and his father more stress on “Legislative rules.” Difficulties in children, the mothers tend to immediately help the child and his father, often forcing children to play to their wisdom, ability, and thus the quality of the will and the ability to solve problems fully exercise.

In short, the father in cultivating the boy’s manhood, the boy in the culture of independent, responsible, adventurous and enterprising spirit, physical fitness, the training of boys to play a bigger role.

father and son, they are all men

Men and women may come from different planets, only men can go from the fundamental understanding of another male.

Significant gender differences between men and women, this difference is the product of millions of years of evolution, just as difficult to understand men and women with low psychological period, the same can not experience the pain of childbirth, women are equally difficult to understand men, men they hard to understand why the do not want to sit quietly, why then are willing to fight, rebellious, restless.

Son growing problem faced by most likely the father had a child confusion. Father’s experience growing experience, more likely to be the key to solve the problem son. Father and son are almost the same brain structure, their bodies surging with the same male hormones. View more close to the son of his father’s perspective, only the father can understand the emotion in the sons of male hormones in the blood what it means to him, understanding what is sex, what is love. If you recognize the men and women a significant difference, then you’ll recognize his father in his son’s growth plays an important role.

Of course, the father of the boys “more important” this view is not to deny the mother the importance of the process of raising the boy, we just want to emphasize the boy’s father, nurturing manhood in the play the role of the mother can not match, the father is a boy growth of a guide for the man.

(d) how to be a good father, son

attitude is everything
Dobson: No man squatted to help children when compared with stand higher.
Xiao De President Roosevelt: “In the face of his son, I am not president, but his father.”
Lu said: “pity for the child of how not to her husband!”

Fathers must first correct its attitude, to recognize that when a father is a supreme honor to have the courage to break the traditional gender stereotypes, to change the attitude of the traditional upbringing, the child rearing as a bounden duty and responsibility of the father.

a good example for his son

A father of alcohol addiction, to the pubs in the snow day, occasionally a back and found 10-year old son is at your back.
Son said: “Dad, I’m stepping on your footprints fun?”
Father scared into a cold sweat, from drinking any alcohol.

Children are learning by observing examples of. Father’s words and deeds, gestures, the child will automatically become the object of imitation. Father was a boy the first emerged in life man, the father’s temperament, a man whose masculinity is the original understanding of boys to men. Role of the father in the male contains unique temperament, such as fortitude, determination, courage, restraint and responsibility, etc., have all been boys look in the eyes, in mind, and gradually internalized as part of their masculinity.

A competent father around, the boy’s healthy growth in a safe place. If you have been accompanied in the side, then the father will become a boy hero, giving him power, gave him the confidence to give him guidance. If the hero does not exist, it is easy to form a character in the boy left the crucial period of psychological gap, and this will leave a shadow on the development of manhood.

Every father, please remember this sentence: “No man squatted to help children when compared to stand higher.”

good “dad” needs a lot of time

Father a child given the title, “father” of this title is the same age with the child. Good starting point is the father of the first day of birth.

The psychology of child development research shows that children born from, the relationship between father and child began to set up. At 6 weeks of birth, babies can tell the difference between the father and mother voice, 8 weeks, babies can distinguish between the mother and father take care of different methods, and so many mothers who are puzzled researchers and is Most babies will be called the first “Daddy” instead of her mother, which makes many hard bringing up children’s mother unhappy.

To be a good father, son, born from the first day would be willing to invest the time to raise him, educate him. To his son’s growth, the father should be willing to make some sacrifices, and even more enormous sacrifice because of his son’s growing the most important thing in life.

Childhood, is one the strongest period of plasticity is the critical period of psychological development is also key to the formation of parent-child relationship. Can make such a comparison: in childhood, his father every 1 unit of input, he can have 10 times in the future return; If you miss this period, when children grow up, his father more input, it may gain little or no harvest.

(“Save the Boys,” published by the author
On the Sun Yunxiao wrote, Lee Road, Xia Zhao)

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(Today, I will be alone in Beijing, Shangri-La Hotel, presided over the second generation of educational seminars, the following is my draft speech) announced today that China had entered the era of child rearing child, or to begin a single generation of rearing the second generation of new single times. I and our only child personality development discussion group of researchers believe that most child problems not because “only child”, but from the environment and education as result. Three generations of education alone to guard against errors, the first misunderstanding is rife child neglect child support inter-generational sentimentality; The second myth is eager to ignore the one-child family expectations for their children because of teaching; The third myth is the one-child family re- intelligence than morality, good habits of neglect training.

According to 2008 data estimated that China’s one child under the age of 30 to 160 million, accounting for nearly 30 years of age 30% of the population, mostly of non-child has less brothers and sisters. And our young people in the queue over time, increasing the proportion of child, child’s size is also growing. In the 33 years of age (born 1975) of the population, the only child a share of 18%, at 17 years old (born in 1991) accounted for 24.8% of child population in 2005, the only child born population has accounted for to 64%. (2009 No. 2, “China Youth Research” magazine, on Xi Jie Ying, YANG Shou-Jian)
The problem is not the number of people have more and more child, but in most of the growth in the city child, their parents have higher educational level and economic power, thus they enjoy better than non-child health care , education and information resources. Therefore, the child’s development may profoundly affect the fate of China. More importantly, some research has shown that child’s life is not as happy as adults imagine them growing up a lot of problems encountered.
Based on this thinking, from 1996 to 1997, the China Youth Research Center for the Development of Chinese urban only child personality and education of large-scale investigation. The study was a series of important discoveries, such as China’s five major urban child personality development advantages, that is, confident, helpful, eager to friendship, to actively seek to develop and interest in a wide range and so on; also has some character flaws can not be ignored, such as : to overcome certain difficulties to achieve the success of the momentum of a weak interaction in the partnership is easy to hurt others, hard-working poor economical performance, the lack of such interest in learning. Of these, 60% of urban child motivation distortions, 80% of the urban child with varying degrees of aggressive needs data, aroused strong education sector and the general concern of parents. According to September 24, 2009, “Liberation Daily” reported the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences Institute of the latest release of Shanghai Youth Development Youth Observer reported that “after 90″ young people more confident, more articulate and pursue a more boldly pursue an independent lifestyle. Meanwhile, 67.3% of adolescents recognized in varying degrees, “I think some students hate,” saying, 47.5% of young people said, “and students are not familiar with the contacts, I do not feel natural”, 27.5% thought that “students often tease. ” Shanghai is one of the cities most concentrated only child, the survey reflects the child’s basic situation of the natural. Thus, 12 years later, the city child’s characteristics and development trend remains the same.
Most child’s problem is not as “independent students” caused, but caused due to environmental and education. Problem child only child not born, it has been confirmed many of the Institute. For example, long-term problem of child Feng Xiaotian Sociology Department of Nanjing University Professor, he studies the process of feeling is, in the younger child when the problem may more, and when they grow up slowly adult , and the general will be improved. Feng Xiaotian in “China’s first generation of urban child’s social adjustment” of the report, based on 12 cities in China 1786 sample survey of young people working, from work, love, marriage, relationships, independent living, self-awareness China’s first generation of study such as child’s social adjustment, the results showed that: In addition to single only children and there are some in the independent living differences, the two types of youth in all aspects of social adjustment did not exist significant differences, that ” Child unsuited to the “view has not been positive.
Of particular concern is the second generation of parenting alone three errors occurred.

The first misunderstanding is rife child support inter-generational emotional neglect Attachment
In many urban families, grandparents raising stir up the “third generation” of the task, in today’s society has become a common phenomenon. According to March 12, 2010 “Wen Wei Po,” introduced a nationwide survey: in Beijing, 70% of the children to accept inter-generational education; and Shanghai, now 0-6 years old children in 88.9% by the ancestors education; Guangzhou for inter-generational education of children has also been accounted for half of the total.
Shanghai Academy of Educational Lok Sin Yiu family education experts believe that the rising proportion of urban grandparents, and in recent years, urban family “biological parents alone” phenomenon. With the 70, the only child into the marriage age after 80, they have become the first generation of “independent biological parents”, family education, also entered the “independence Second Generation” era. In the “421″ (four for the elderly, two parents, one child) and family structure, reduce the number of grandchildren, Suddenly, the two sides have to take care of the elderly only “hope” as their bounden responsibility.
In many “independent second-generation” families, grandparents are the third generation to take care of day and night, few young parents involved, and some even participate. These “biological parents alone,” the subject of parents arranged from small to big, and now simply the task of educating children is also full to the forefathers; and grandparents parents habitually swept the young parents themselves that the children’s education responsibilities.
Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences of a research report showed that families with children, nearly half of urban households in the “biological parents alone,” the family completely rely on grandparents to care for the child, biological parents than non-exclusive to nearly 20 percent, Zhe Yi Bilihuanzai been Pansheng in.
Lok Sin Yao made a metaphor: “Parents of child education is like breast-feeding, grandparents education is supplementary artificial feeding, grandparents can not replace education, education of parents.” Many experts have a consensus, if not before age 6 establish a close parent-child attachment feelings, the child’s life would be in danger before the trip.

The second myth is eager to ignore the one-child family expectations for their children because of teaching

According to China Central Television reported, in August 2009, Chongqing, Jinan and the peak appeared in cesarean section because of “the age of 6 years of age to enter primary school,” the age limit, Jisha those pregnant women in labor in September – to allow do not over-age school children, mothers rushed in time for the August caesarean section. Such as the August 19, 2009, “Chongqing Evening News” reported:
“This month pregnant women do a bit more caesarean section.” 324 hospital obstetrician, said in August has not been, the hospital has received 129 mothers, nearly half of the mothers is caesarean section. Most caesarean section in late August, there are still dozens of appointments in the August 2 dozen No. Cesarean section. Doctors said that in late August of the expected caesarean section in pregnant women, mostly in September, asking for two main reasons for cesarean section, more than half of pregnant women are busy pre-production in September, in order to facilitate school children in the future, the rest are afraid of natural labor pain.
Chongqing People’s Armed Police Corps Hospital obstetrician, said the hospital of a pregnant women, pre-production period is 10 months, “actually requires more than a month earlier Caesarean section.” Pregnant women and this causes the child before birth, but also for school children. Finally, after a doctor-counseling and persuasion, the pregnant women was very unwilling to leave. Doctors, now there are 14 pregnant women Caesarean section.
Leading from the main city hospital’s maternity learned in late August was indeed a small peak of caesarean section, most parents are taking into account the child admission. However, doctors advise, natural child birth squeeze through the birth canal more health wise.
This report reminds me of another thing, recently I was invited to do so in the Sina parental channel program, with some extraordinary children’s mother to discuss the discovery and cultivation. Chinese Academy of Sciences Institute of Psychology of Gifted Children Professor Shi Jiannong expert, he repeatedly shows abnormal children only 1-3% of their peers. I was surprised by the considerable number of mothers believe their children are exceptional children, even if temporarily compliance training through the efforts seem to be Gifted Children. That battle, if more than half of children have become extraordinary children, although this is absolutely impossible.
When discussing the development of children, parents often want the child to school as soon as possible in order to seize the initiative, while eager to excel over their peers, the children, but rarely consider the possibility of the development of the child itself. In particular, I would like to remind everyone that want their children to school as soon as possible, tried everything possible to bring children into exceptional children, which is disastrous for boys, the result is likely to be led to destroy the boy’s tragedy.
From a physiological point of view, starting from the day school, boys in reading and writing skills later than girls on the development of many. However, boys and girls are often asked at the same time, the same way as learning the same knowledge. Boys than girls, even the fingers, nerve growth late, so let the boy holding a pencil and write beautiful Chinese characters even more difficult. These developmental differences often regarded as stupid or dull boy, which may enable them to hate from the start the school year.
Studies have shown that 5-year-old boy’s brain can only reach the level of language development zone 3-year-old girl and a half levels. Throughout primary school, the boy’s physical development and psychological development of girls in general are still lagging behind. Think about the same age when boys and girls sit together and listen to his speech teacher, who can understand a lot more? Who can make a more accurate response?
It is based on the boys developed later than girls, found that some countries have been trying to let the boy go to school a year later, or even think that this is the best gift to the boy. Of course, the boy is a characteristic of development lags behind not a weakness, but the seriousness of the problem is to exam entrance examination-centered education and to succeed in life and fondness for the characteristics of family education, are leading to boy losing ground. PhD in psychology, I co-wrote two children’s “Save the Boys,” a book, comprehensive description of the boy growing crisis, and made a series of measures for gender education.

The third myth is the one-child families ignore important than morality, good habits of intellectual culture
2004 World Congress of Psychology held in Beijing, the Australian expert, Dr Monica Whitty skelly and Chinese psychologists about her research cooperation, which designed a self-control experiments on children: children before 2 chocolate, more than one a little more patience as long as 15 minutes, you can eat more of the dish, otherwise it can only get small dish. The continuation of the 7-year-old cross-cultural test results, in participating in the experiment on 100 3-year-old to 4-year-old Chinese children, more than 80% of children put up only a few minutes on the test were asked to ring the bell calling get chocolate, and 66% of Australian children have been more of that disk. This means: Chinese children’s self-control is not optimistic.
In 1993, I published the Sino-Japanese Children “summer camp in the contest,” caused great debate on education in the country. The results of this experiment I really am back to cold, this is the contest even more profound. This experiment examined the child’s patience and self-control, that could be more important to more fundamental interests of the desire to restrain ourselves for the time being. Many European countries follow a similar experiment and found that, in future development, before they know how to restrain their children chocolate more independent, more responsible, easier for them to achieve their goals in life. Why not wait for our children, not moderation? Because we used to meet the children over to too many children into the children can not wait can not patient, but this child is difficult to be really happy.
6 is a child before the age of the fastest growing phase, which laid the foundation for human life. Pre-school education is the core of the cultivation of moral intelligence. The nursery is now pursuing what? How many children recognize the Church character, is how much the child back will be the first Tang. Even more angry is that kindergartens do these things in general banner when the banner of love and science, which is equal to wear the cloak of the world’s most beautiful to destroy the most sacred in the name of children, this behavior than melamine even “poisonous” .
I always thought, the core of education is not imparting knowledge, but develop a healthy personality. South Korea’s former education minister, education expert at Seoul National University, Professor Long Lin, his advice to young parents is: learning to be human is taught the first lesson, moral intelligence is the key to success in life decisions. Parents gave their children the best gift is to teach them how to life.
Now, his moral psychology at Seoul National University Research work on the “moral intelligence (Moral
Intelligence) “on the growth and development of children. His being the father of two children, a lot of experience teaching children, through extensive research and testing, he reached the” low moral intelligence of children will not be able to adapt to the community after 10 years “conclusion.
Speaking of morality, many people feel that the level of human consciousness, can appear in the text Professor Long Lin, of the children, first of all a moral intelligence is a need to carefully cultivate the ability. “Morality” is when people get along, everyone should abide by the norms and standards to judge right and wrong.
“Moral Intelligence” is the ability to judge right and wrong, and further said that the ethical beliefs in their own domination, rejected unfair or bad acts. This capability includes the sympathy and concern for the suffering people the ability to inhibit the desire to regulate their emotions and the ability to accept and understand different points of view and their own ability, the ability to respect others. This capability enables you to have high integrity. With this capability, but also let you grow as a clear head, chest and passionate people.
Professor Long Lin Wen predicted that 10 years later, the child must have five basic capabilities, such as resonance, regulate emotion and resolution, love, sense of responsibility. Well, now how to foster the children’s good moral character then? He suggested methods of control must be aware of moral development and moral development stage and made the following points:
0 to 1 years old —— moral education need only unconditional love. Newborn infants on moral education is impossible. However, meticulous caring parents make their children feel safe, this is the basis for the child a positive feeling in the world. For example, children love a fight, often my mother is not around, or separated from their families living with children, they often fight because of the lack of a sense of security. The specific recommendations to parents: a child cries, immediately ran down everything; certainly not the children cry; gradually foster the children’s patience; patience to wait for the child to respond; as much as possible to express love for the child.
2 to 4 years old —— even if the child did not understand, they have to say “no.” 2 to 4 years of age is the stage of learning to speak. 2-year-old can say more than 300 words, 3-year-old can say more than 1000 words, 4-year-old can say more than 1,500 words. Children can understand words, show that he began to understand the language rules. The specific recommendations to parents: the child should firmly say “No”; to explain No reason for children; to avoid a fight in front of children because children imitate is the best way to learn.
—— 5 to 7 years of age if the parents at this stage is the “Constitution.” 5-year-old children about the rapid growth of self-consciousness, what want to do by their own will, at this time of moral education is particularly important to teach children moral values of children in the future —— This is a decisive factor in moral form . Specific recommendations to parents is: through television, drama, or story book for children indirectly, to judge right and wrong good and bad experiences; do not talk back and get angry for the children; teach children the distinction between “I” and “others” concept, do may learn to share; let the children out of self-centered thinking.
—— 8 ~ 10 years old for children to make a “moral teaching.” After the kids go to school, more than half the time are separated from their parents, peer relationships on the development of his moral intelligence plays a vital role. At this point the child is non-standard is still frequently confused. The specific recommendations to parents: the child again said “no” and to guide patient analysis; timely sex education; attention among children network usage.
—— After 10 years of age should always respect the child.
For the second generation of education alone, I think the most important goal is to create good habits healthy personality, that is what we insist on doing 10 years of children’s behavior and the profound conclusion. However, to achieve this goal may be more difficult, because just three errors make this goal of education is becoming increasingly distant.

According to American psychologist Laasch the animals memory test, behavioral psychology that a behavior will be repeated 21 days into the habit, the 90-day repeat will form a stable habits. In other words, the initial need for a habit 21 days to form a stable habits of 90 days. That is, the formation of a habit, an act must be able to continue for some time, they measured 21 days to 90 days. Of course, this is only a general concept. According to our research found that the formation of the different behavior of the time is not the same word, the longer the habit of upholding the more firmly.
Development of habits is not a simple matter, but this does not mean that culture is not used up your way not in place. Our study found that the process used to develop an automated from passive to active and then to the process. Good Habits are level and focused, personal sexual habits in training while focusing on cultivating social habits; habitual action in the culture while focusing on cultivating the wisdom of habit; in culture, while traditional practices, focusing on training times used. Obviously, habit is a science. Then used to train the principle of what is it? Is to respect the child, respect for the status of the child’s owner. What is the goal used to cultivate it? Is to develop good habits to the liberation of the child’s brain, which allows children of some low-level, binding their own bad habits freed. For instance, do not dawdle, do not eat his words, not take some vulgar things, make the kids has made life more interesting and meaningful.
The 21st century is two generations learn from each other and grow together in the century, the process is also used to train two generations of mutual learning and growth process. Some habits formed early in children than adults, such as environmental protection, we will learn from the kids. Parents and children grow up together. And good relationship is better than many educational, parents and teachers better relationship with the child the more help the child form good habits, so that only the affinity, pro-teacher to believe its Road.
Used to determine the fate of children, education is the core of a healthy personality, develop a healthy personality is the most effective way to cultivate habits from the start. We grasp the fundamental behavior training, family education to grasp the most effective one way, this is our most fundamental task of family education. Let us remember that famous saying: the family is accustomed to the school, parents are used to teachers, children’s education is to cultivate good habits, we create by developing good habits to children’s healthy personality. I recently played Sina micro-Bo, cool, very trendy. In a word, a picture, wherever you understand me the most fresh. Click the following link to register, and I together and play! http://t.sina.com.cn/reg.php?inviteCode=1197151844